Soleil: [00:00:00] hi, and welcome to Sweat Strategy and Success. This is the go to resource for entrepreneurs in the health and wellness industry to become the best versions of themselves both personally and professionally. I'm Soleil Rain, a marketer and passionate storyteller, and my mission is to share the untapped stories of the brilliant mind shaping health and wellness.

Soleil: Here you'll discover inspiring stories and actionable strategies for growing your business and cultivating a healthier, more fulfilling lifestyle.

Soleil: If you watched my last episode, then you know I'm trying to start these podcasts with an inspiring message to kickstart your week and my week as well. And I couldn't help but input Erika's own personal message from today's podcast into the beginning of this episode for this inspiring message for your week.

Erika Manilla: And so I always had that mentality of this is really hard, but I've done a lot of hard things in my life.

Erika Manilla: And although this is going to be the hardest, I know I'm going to be okay. 

Soleil: I [00:01:00] have just absolutely loved bringing on athletes onto this podcast because they have a mindset like no other, and even if they don't have their own business, it is still incredible to hear about the drive and the tenacity that they have towards their goals. I think this is something that especially entrepreneurs and other professionals in health and wellness industry can really strive towards.

Soleil: And something that might just come naturally because it's something that you love to do, something that you want to do. So listening to stories like Erika's can be a great way to put yourself into a mindset. If you're feeling a little bit down, you had a setback recently, or maybe there's just something else going on. It has nothing to do with your business or the work that you do. It has to do with family or loved ones or maybe just the world that you're in right now.

Soleil: requires you to take a step back and reflect. that's exactly what Erika is going to do today, is [00:02:00] she's going to reflect on her own experience where she goes from dominating in her field to being sidelined by hip surgery.

Soleil: Now Erika is a powerhouse racquetball player. She has over 40 national titles. She's won a gold medal at the Pan American Games, And she is titled number one female USA athlete in racquetball.

Soleil: She'll talk about how she was unable to play the game that she loved and battled with her own mental health challenges while going through this setback. But despite all of this, now she's back, she's stronger, and she's better than ever. 

Soleil: Hi, Erika.

Erika Manilla: Hello.

Soleil: How are you doing?

Erika Manilla: Doing good. Thanks for having me on today.

Soleil: Of course. Thank you so much for joining me. For our listeners, I do have to be a little bit transparent. I have known this girl since we were three or four years old, [00:03:00] maybe used to

Erika Manilla: Exactly. 

Soleil: pockets in the backseat.

Erika Manilla: Uh, a thousand percent, we had a little roly poly land.

Soleil: Yes, we did have a little roly poly land. That was awesome. So if this turns a little chaotic today, you know why. We're, we're two kind of chaotic people when we get together.

Erika Manilla: Hey, we're killing the game right now.

Soleil: Yeah, exactly. And we're, we're both very smart individuals, so prepare for a smart, but chaotic conversation. So Erika, you have accomplished so much in racquetball with 40 plus national titles, number one, female U S athlete for racquetball, a gold medal in mixed doubles at the Pan American games, a coach for many athletics, and just So much more. I feel so inspired from from you. How does it feel to just be so cool?

Erika Manilla: Oh my [00:04:00] gosh. Well, thank you.

Soleil: You're welcome.

Erika Manilla: I don't know. Truthfully, it's like hard work pays off, which is so awesome. It's fun to be able to do it alongside my brother. Um, I feel like it's a family sport and like including you like our family and like has just rallied behind us but truthfully it's just a big blessing. I wouldn't be able to do any of it without God and my family and leading me in that path so it's pretty dang cool.

Soleil: Yeah, I think so, too. I talk about you and Adam all the time. Whenever I like meet new people, I'm like, did you have professional racquetball in my like people in my family like you should watch their games. It's so interesting. And honestly, when I watched the Pan American Games and watched you and Adam win gold, it like was just such a touching experience.

Soleil: And it just like, it makes my heart so happy for you because I know you've [00:05:00] been working so hard in this sport for so long. So long that it literally like almost makes me tear up that like, how happy that I am for you. I'm sure like in that moment too, it was just like unbelievable to experience something like that.

Erika Manilla: You are the best. So for those that don't know, Pan American Games is like the Olympics, but just for the Americas. And that's one of the highest tournaments we go to. So in the Olympic cycle, you have Pan Am Game, World Games, and Olympic Games. And racquetball is part of the other two. So Pan Am Games and World Games are our largest two events.

Erika Manilla: And I got to win that with my brother. And that's it. As Soleil said, Oh my gosh, I've never cried so hard after a match before. And, uh, it was just, there's nothing better than playing with USA on your back and alongside your brother is icing on the cake, so. Thank you.

Soleil: Yeah, it was such a beautiful moment and just seeing, just knowing you and your story and When we go through this podcast today, I hope the people listening can understand how much passion needs to come [00:06:00] with being an athlete, um, and how much energy and time you have to put into something that you love so much, especially with a sport. you have such a deep passion for racquetball. Has it always been like this for you?

Erika Manilla: Absolutely not. Absolutely not, actually. So I started playing racquetball when I was about five, six years old. Um, we grew up in the gym. It was an easy daycare. Sorry, parents. Um, and Adam and I, my brother and I, we were just And so we went to a tournament and ended up winning. Not because we were good at racquetball, just because we were athletes.

Erika Manilla: And we got told we made the junior USA racquetball team. And the first tournament was in Juarez, Mexico, which is right next to El Paso, where my grandparents are from. So we're like, well, great. We'll go over there. The kids will play. We'll visit grandparents. It all worked out and we got our butts handed to us.

Erika Manilla: Um, and that kind of started the journey. I loved it as a kid. Yeah. And then kind of like around probably high school age, [00:07:00] I started like sticking out from all my classmates and all my friends because I played USA on a racquetball team. Like it's an individual sport. None of my friends that were on USA, we all were spread out across the nation.

Erika Manilla: So I was considered different in, in high school. That is not what you want to be labeled as. And so that's when I kind of started really disliking racquetball and kind of getting pulled away from it. I wanted to be like all my friends. Um, And so definitely disliked it all through high school. College was my last year, my freshman year of college for 18 and under is my last year on the junior USA team had some incredible friends.

Erika Manilla: They would like take turns, taking me to the gym, um, to make sure that I was training because I told them that I wanted to win, but I had no motivation to do so. So friends really came in hard there. And then I honestly quit. Like I, Didn't want to play tournaments anymore. I wanted the college experience.

Erika Manilla: I didn't want to [00:08:00] be different anymore. And the pro tour was not my goal at that time. So I quit, ended up having a boyfriend that played racquetball. So that kept me in the game and then COVID hit. 

Erika Manilla: I didn't touch a racket for the first time for a full year, since I was six years old, and then I fell back in love with racquetball.

Erika Manilla: So very much did not love the sport for a long time, but then my like fire was ignited again.

Soleil: Yeah. What was that feeling when you started to fall back in love with the sport again? What were you thinking? Like, what was it in the back of your head that was like, it's time for me to start getting into this again?

Erika Manilla: Oh, I love that. I flew out to a tournament because my dad said I should, I did not want to play. I was like, dad, I'm not ready at all to play a tournament. I have not trained. It is right after COVID like, let's be real. Um, and he was like, come on, just go. You'll like it. Like you're good at this sport. Go. So I flew [00:09:00] out to South Carolina to play was put up against a junior player.

Erika Manilla: She was 18 and I got my butt handed to me on the court though. Every time that I started chasing the ball around or the ball would be like kind of a chaotic rally I would start laughing like it was so crazy. It was in a tournament. I was losing. I was pissed off but yet I was like Laughing and happy like that.

Erika Manilla: I was just Incredibly fast chasing this dumb rubber ball around the court with people watching me. 

Erika Manilla: And when I lost, I called my trainer and he's been my trainer for the last five years now. And I said, I'm either quitting my job or I'm quitting racquetball. There's no in between. And I was like, But I found my love for the sport again.

Erika Manilla: And he was like, what's that mean? And I said, I talked to my parents. They said I could move back home and kind of get my feet back underneath me. At the time I had a job offer from striker [00:10:00] and was had my whole career path set. Money was set. Life was set. Movement dates, everything was set. And he was like, get your ego out of the way.

Erika Manilla: Take your parents up on this offer and go chase your dream. And so within two weeks, I quit my part time job that I was currently working, turned down an offer that I'd been working three months for to get and moved back home.

Soleil: Wow. That's crazy. And I love how you said that it, really a community effort almost to get you back into the game.

Erika Manilla: be playing racquetball full time. I would say, oh heck no, no chance in blank that I am playing racquetball full time.

Soleil: Wow. That's incredible. Yeah. Because I think a lot of people forget that you, you can't do it on your own. Even the things that, you know, you're like, I don't want to do [00:11:00] this anymore. Having people in your court to kind of push you to do the things that you feel challenged on and you maybe don't want to keep doing. try it one more time and you have people in your court who are going to support you no matter what, whether you do it or you don't do it, you know, is so important.

Erika Manilla: Oh, it a thousand percent is. I remember traveling out to California to come visit my sister and I was like, I don't know what to do. And she was like, what's the pros and cons? And we went through like all these different pros and cons of which way to go. And she was like, You light up when you talk about racquetball and she's like, you're not lighting up when you talk about your job and just like, but it was always being able to have somebody, as you said, to kind of bounce the ideas off of or to like, help you think outside of just your box.

Soleil: Yeah.

Erika Manilla: So,

Soleil: Yeah, so important. And I do want to touch back on the career opportunity that you had after you graduated university [00:12:00] and it was a high paying job, wasn't it? It's like 80, 000 or something like that straight yeah, 80, 006 figures. It was somewhere around there.

Soleil: Yeah. Wow. That's I mean, to turn down something to, you know, Of out of university too and like that high of a paying job for a salary where you don't know, you know, you don't know what's going to happen, especially in Racquetball. You know, I'm curious to hear about Your feelings towards racquetball as a sport, bringing in money from that, what it's like being a professional athlete in the sport of racquetball and how difficult is it?

Erika Manilla: Yeah, turning down. Sometimes I look back and I'm like turning down that nice of a job offer with zero job experience in that field and what my career paths with medical sales is what it was going for my bachelor's in biomedical science. I was like, hold on. We're going to make how much not doing this.

Erika Manilla: Um, [00:13:00] it's tough. So my brother and I made an online coaching company called Manilla Athletics. Truthfully, Thank you. My brother made it and I was kind of just part of the face of it. So props all go to him, but I remember calling him and he was like, no, we can do this. Like at that time I was coaching a couple, couple athletes, but coaching was never what I wanted to do full time.

Erika Manilla: Um, I didn't want to be stuck on the court all the time as athletes. We're already on the court so much during the week to then stay on that court and coach. It is so fulfilling. Do not get me wrong. I love it, but I had to find some kind of balance in my life. And so with racquetball, it was, you have to create a brand and we're not a team that you can like do a whole team brand.

Erika Manilla: It is individual. Um, team USA, unfortunately doesn't do a ton to promote all their athletes because there's so many dang sports. So especially smaller athlete, you have to create that on your own. And then. Once you have a brand, then trying to find sponsors, which that's another [00:14:00] income stream that you get to have tournaments, you have to win in order to make money.

Erika Manilla: And at the time I was ranked super low. Granted, I jumped up on the tour really quickly, which was really awesome. So that was another revenue stream that I could start relying on. But I never wanted to compete thinking, can I pay rent? You know, that was never the goal. And that's where Manilla Athletics came in our online coaching platform.

Erika Manilla: So it's like Peloton, but for racquetball, you put your phone in the back of the court, wireless earphones in, and we leave people across the nation, sometimes the world and other countries through a live group racquetball class. So now that's been really huge. Um, And something that I can rely on income wise, but it's so crazy.

Erika Manilla: I mean, you just have to get creative and figure out where you kind of fit in and what aligns with your brand.

Soleil: Yeah. Why do you think racquetball is such a small sport compared to the other racket sports that are out there?

Erika Manilla: I think it's access to courts as one [00:15:00] is really tough. Um, I mean, you have to have a gym membership. A lot of gyms used to have a ton of racquetball courts, but then they stopped honestly funding people to run programs. And so then a lot of those programs died. So that's kind of tough just finding access to it.

Erika Manilla: You need equipment for it. But honestly, I think a big part of it's marketing. Like, especially now, everything's out on social media. So if, if We're something of a sport is not in your face. I mean, not a lot of people are going to know about it, but hopefully that's something that we're changing here soon.

Erika Manilla: So, um, We'll see.

Soleil: Yeah, how is you being part of many athletics and getting that marketing wheel going? Does it feel exciting to spread the amazing news of racquetball to the people?

Erika Manilla: It's so funny because my brother and I say we're like the unicorns in racquetball. Like we're like the two people that actually make money in a niche sport and we see the potential of growth, which is super neat. And so it's going super good. Like right [00:16:00] now our clientele pretty much is in tournaments, which I would say is maybe 10 percent of the people that actually play racquetball.

Erika Manilla: So now it's trying to figure out how do we reach that other 90 percent of racquetball players who are local league players or just like a couple people. Playing on the court and they want to beat that one next person. And so that's kind of fun and trying to figure out how to keep broadening our network.

Erika Manilla: Um, but then I'm also on the board for USA Racquetball. And so that's something new that I've been doing this past year. And that's been really cool, like talking to now, Marketing people and saying, Hey, we need to bring somebody on to make sure that we're getting this promotion out. So I'm on a couple committees as well.

Erika Manilla: Now at that point underneath some incredible knowledgeable marketing people. So hopefully with Manilla Athletics and then USA racquetball coming in and then eventually the tours, we start building it up, but there's so much dang potential. So,

Soleil: Yeah. And I love how you said that. [00:17:00] You're kind of the unicorns of your sport. I mean, that's just like an awesome way, A, to look at it, you know, but also B, it's a great way for other people who may be in not only niche sports, but interests in general. I was somebody who had a niche interest or was in a niche sport, and I was coming to you looking for advice on how should I, how can I start getting people to enjoy the The sport or this interest in enjoy it with me.

Soleil: What would you tell them?

Erika Manilla: Oh, I would say, okay. 

Erika Manilla: One simple answer is when you find your passion, don't let it go. Okay. Like simple to the point work hard. There's always a way I had somebody once tell me I was listening to a panel of business professionals. And they said, when you meet the corner of the crossroads of excited and terrified, you know, you're in the right place.

Erika Manilla: And so like, that isn't something that I've always tried living my life by now, like the moment that I'm on that [00:18:00] crossroad is, okay, I'm terrified. I'm excited. I'm terrified because I have no idea how I'm going to make income. I just turned down a steady income where I would be perfectly fine and have a house and, or an apartment or whatever it is, right?

Erika Manilla: To, uh, Maybe making 40, 000 a year, definitely under margin, like the sport that people say is dying, but I know there's a potential for growth and it's just find a way. Like, if you put in so many hours every single week to find a way, you will find a way.

Soleil: Yeah, and as you said social media is such a big thing now, too Would you recommend people to getting onto social media and and marketing it that way?

Erika Manilla: Definitely a thousand percent. I mean, I am no social media expert at all. Like I say, I don't have, I have a small following, but I have a true following is what I say. Um, so I, engagement is really cool. My followers are absolutely incredible, even though it is small, but I'm also in [00:19:00] a niche sport, so it kind of makes sense.

Erika Manilla: You know what I mean? But yeah, definitely if you can get on social media. There's so many ways to get big. Now you need one video, video to get viral. So, 

Erika Manilla: but I think the other thing is consistency. And I feel like everyone always talks about discipline versus motivation. Motivation starts. So you have the motivation to start, but then you have discipline to finish.

Erika Manilla: So it's one of those things where do I want to post? Absolutely not. You know what I mean? It's another job, but you had the motivation to start towards something and now you have to stay disciplined to reach your goal.

Soleil: Yeah, absolutely Thank you for sharing that I know you've accomplished so much in your career as a racquetball athlete just over the last, how long has it been? Five, six years since you, since you

Erika Manilla: I've been playing full time for technically like four years, but I was injured the last year. So three years full time on tour.

Soleil: Three years full time. Yeah. And I want to go [00:20:00] into that injury a little bit more. You were time racquetball athlete. You were accomplishing so much. You won the Pan American Games. You got gold in Pan American Games then you were told you needed to have a hip surgery. Can you tell me more about that?

Erika Manilla: Yes. So in, so Pan American Games is kind of the largest Uh, tournament that was back in the last October at that time. I reached my peak on the pro tour ranking number three. Um, and when I first started three years ago, I was like 64 or somewhere super high. So I raised the ranks pretty quickly. So everything was falling.

Erika Manilla: Down. I was having sponsorship deals, which was super exciting. I was starting to get news exposure. Like everything was going in my direction. And then a week before nationals, um, which is how we qualify for team USA. You have to get first or second and singles and then first and doubles Saturday before I had my last kind of just [00:21:00] chill practice session.

Erika Manilla: It's literally, I'm running around the court, just practicing and. doing a practice match and I took one wrong turn. I felt my hip pop, extreme pain came in and I texted my chiropractor immediately. I was like, Hey, my hip's out of socket. Like, I don't know what to do. You need to help me through it. And I went in, I had been on a Saturday on Monday, went into my Cairo and he was like, Hey, you tore your labrum.

Erika Manilla: Um, you can't play. And I was like, well, I have to play, you know? So I was like, maybe this guy doesn't know what he's talking about. I have a really incredible chiropractor in Arizona where the tournament was at. And I was like, I'll go text that chiropractor. He knows this stuff. I went in with him and I was like, Hey, it's super bad.

Erika Manilla: It's hurting to walk. I don't know what to do, but also in the back of my head, if I don't make team USA, I don't have healthcare insurance. So if people are telling me I need surgery. I don't have healthcare insurance. I mean, that just can't happen. So he told me, you need surgery, you cannot play. And I was like, I have to play.

Erika Manilla: Like, [00:22:00] I don't have an option right now. Not that I don't have an option, but my mind was like just so focused on this has to happen. And so we had a whole entire game plan to be like, okay, well, if you're playing, here's what we have to do. And so, um, For like my nerds out there it was like you have to activate your left side of your abs and then like your right glute in order to kind of protect your right hip.

Erika Manilla: So we had all these different plans on what was going to happen. First day did not play well. Second day did not play well. Got Adam and I played mixed doubles and we just played terrible honestly. Like there's no way to sugarcoat it and technically lost in semis which again whatever and then I'm not competitive.

Erika Manilla: I'm sorry.

Soleil: No, you're not competitive. only hit me over the head with a racket once when we were six because I was winning. It's fine. 

Erika Manilla: think you're lying.

Soleil: I actually, you know, to be fair, I actually think that it was me who accidentally hit you over the head.

Erika Manilla: See how she tries sliding that in? Hold up, people.

Soleil: [00:23:00] I'm trying to gaslight the public, okay?

Erika Manilla: Oh my gosh, that is so funny. So, thank you very much. I am a kind person. I'm not hitting people over the head with rackets. Now you're host on the Yeah.

Erika Manilla: So not hitting my chiropractor on the head with a racket, telling me, heck no, I'm not getting surgery. But yeah, 

Soleil: okay, so

Soleil: had lost this

Erika Manilla: Mixed doubles.

Erika Manilla: Yeah. 

Erika Manilla: I wasn't going to get healthcare insurance through mixed doubles.

Erika Manilla: Then doubles came, my partner and I had a play on Friday. So tournament starts on Wednesday and it's not until Sunday. So playing that on a hip that you need surgery on was miserable. Um, come Friday, my doubles partner and I were playing in the finals. We lost in a close tiebreaker. So again, only first person in doubles makes the team and gets healthcare insurance.

Erika Manilla: So now I had to rely on singles for the tail end of it. That Friday, my back went out. So my back was overcompensating for my hip, no longer was able to put on my shoes, touch my toes. It [00:24:00] was awful, like putting on sweats, like I was asking my mom for help to put on my sweatpants in the morning, like, super debilitating one, and like, you're an athlete who can't tie their own shoes, you know?

Erika Manilla: So that was super difficult. Um, ended up winning a really incredibly fought semi match against my doubles partner, um, on Saturday. And that put me into the finals. And so I came in the finals. I respect all my opponents, this one girl and I, we have a true rivalry. We just don't get along. If I'm being completely honest, like we both know it.

Erika Manilla: We're not really huge fans of one another. And so I was like, I have to play the finals. Like, even though I got my healthcare insurance at this point, I don't want to lose, like, especially to somebody that I rival with, you know, like that's even like icing on the cake, if it's my doubles partner, at least I'm like, more sympathetic towards it.

Erika Manilla: Like, Oh my gosh, that's so bad. I'm saying this on a podcast, but

Erika Manilla: it's like, I tried playing and I remember warming up and I went to the athletic trainer and I was like, I [00:25:00] can't move left. Like, I don't know what to do. I could not push off on my right foot to get over to the left side. And I mean, the first game She literally would just hit a serve over to my backhand and I could not move to get it.

Erika Manilla: My pain was so awful and this court sucked because it was all glass back wall in glass side wall. So normally once I face towards the front wall, people can't see my facial expressions. In this one, I had to hold my facial expressions because the crowd could see it. So

Soleil: explain the, the racquetball court really quick for people who don't know?

Erika Manilla: yes, so racquetball, think about like a box. It's 20 feet by 40 feet long. So it's just a rectangle. Cube, pretty much. And so quick, you hit the ball against a wall, you get one bounce and you hit the ball back to the front wall. Um, so people could see on the full right side.

Soleil: Okay. Yeah. So in this case, people could see your face and your expressions because it was glass.

Erika Manilla: Exactly. Yeah. So normally you just have a glass back wall for majority of courts. This one was glass [00:26:00] back, glass side wall. And so that was tough. At one point I wanted to throw up because the pain was so bad and I saw my mom and she's just like, her facial expression was worse than mine. And then I went out, I took a timeout, um, cause I just couldn't.

Erika Manilla: Move in the second game. And my dad was like, I went straight up to the athletic trainer. I was like, give me something for the pain. If it's icy hot, something to just dull it. Like, I don't care if my skin is burning, I need something to dull the pain that I'm experiencing right now. 

Erika Manilla: And my dad came up and he was like, it's not worth it.

Erika Manilla: And he goes, You are forfeiting. He goes, you cannot move. And he goes, it's not worth it for you to ruin the rest of your career for one match. 

Erika Manilla: And so I started crying and like falling down, crying. And, um, I was like, you know, I need to go on the court. Like, no matter what this rivalry is with this girl, I've been playing against her since I was eight years old.

Erika Manilla: I have a ton of respect for her. And this was her first national championship title. So I wanted to be the one to go on the court and congratulate her [00:27:00] and tell her that I was forfeiting. So cried for about five minutes, got myself together and then went on the court and forfeited. Um, But then again, I got my health care insurance.

Erika Manilla: So about, I had to stay in Arizona an extra three days long because with hip, it's really hard to sit at 90 degrees. Um, because what happens was the bone was hitting against the other bone any single time that you bent your knee up. So I couldn't sit on an airplane to get home. So we saw that chiropractor that I saw beforehand and we were working on anything just to release the muscle so I could at least get home.

Erika Manilla: So stayed a couple days after, was finally able to get on an airplane in order to get back home. And then within three weeks I had surgery.

Soleil: Wow. Can you explain a little bit more about why had to get surgery? Like what was going on in your hip that required surgery?

Erika Manilla: Good. Thank you. Uh, so I had a torn labrum is what it is. And the labrum is the inside cartilage lining of your ball and socket joint in your [00:28:00] hip. Um, so the way that it happened, surgeon said, bad luck, genetics and overuse. So my femur, which was like my leg bone, right? It was coming in at my ball and socket joint, and it was rubbing against the socket.

Erika Manilla: So it wasn't, um, that was the genetics portion of it, just over time rubbing on it. Cause it was out of socket just a little bit with how I was born. So what they did is, um, My labrum was torn from 11 o'clock to six o'clock. If you go around in a circle there. And so they put four sutures in an anchor, and then they had to shave down my femoral head so that my bone hits back in the socket again.

Erika Manilla: So 

Erika Manilla: that was, 

Soleil: that sounds horrible. My 

Erika Manilla: it was rough.

Soleil: I, yeah, I can't imagine that pain.

Erika Manilla: Yeah. I think surgery was about four hours long and it was tough. I mean, I had to see three different doctors about it. So first doctor was like, Nope, everything's fine. Your hip rest for two weeks. And I'm like, No, man, I can't walk. [00:29:00] Like, I could not walk up hills. It was uncomfortable to sit down.

Erika Manilla: Uncomfortable, like, everything was uncomfortable. Laying down, sitting down, walking, functioning as a human being was just painful. And so they did this awful MRI, like, where they had to, like, inject, um, Inject what's it called? I don't know like some fluid that would show up better on an x ray.

Soleil: contrast.

Erika Manilla: Ah, it was contrast Yes and so but I remember they put me through an x ray and then like you just see the needle like go in and that Hip joint is down there.

Erika Manilla: Like let me tell you it is not like on the surface. So super uncomfortable Um And then I went to two different surgeons and the surgeon that I had ended up with, he spent an hour and 15 minutes with me on my initial consult, going through the x ray, going through the MRI saying, do you understand this?

Erika Manilla: Repeat this to me. So you know what's happening so that I can understand your understanding this. And that was the first doctor in order to take that extended amount of time and actually caring about it. And then he also, I don't know how he knew I was [00:30:00] religious, probably my necklace with the cross on it.

Erika Manilla: And he was like, take the night and pray on it. He was like, go pray. And he goes, cause the moment that I have to open you up, you no longer, are you going to have something that shouldn't be in your body now in your body? He goes, and that will change how you move. And so he was like, if you don't want to get cut, he goes, I don't want to cut.

Erika Manilla: And he was like, but if you want to play racquetball and you want to play professionally and play league sports and go play on your volleyball league on Tuesdays and run around, you need surgery. And he's like, unless you want to stop all athletics. Then you don't. And I was like, that's not an option.

Erika Manilla: Like, easy answer. So, let's go.

Soleil: just from. Like a personality standpoint, right? Like for me, I enjoy being active and I enjoy going out and hanging out with my friends and doing my silly little kickball flip cup team, you know, like, you know, [00:31:00] like, I can't imagine what that experience must have been like to hear that there would even be a possibility that you wouldn't be able to enjoy your passion and even just the things you do in your everyday life anymore.

Erika Manilla: Whoa, my gosh. I mean, I just remember sitting down, I got done with that doctor's appointment, I went down to like their waiting room area, and I just sat. And I just cried. You know, and because I mean, you're literally getting your career taken, taken from you, right? Like, especially on the high that I was on.

Erika Manilla: Yeah. I felt like I was on top of a mountain and then to get like the rug pulled out from under you, I just felt like I was falling and at that point I was like looking up like, I don't know what to do now. I can't walk. I can't sit like everything hurts. I'm going to be out for eight months, nine months until I can compete again or even function high performance.

Erika Manilla: So that [00:32:00] was definitely hard.

Soleil: Yeah. And so you went home and you prayed about it and what was your decision? What, what did you end up doing at the end of the day?

Erika Manilla: Yeah. So for me, there really wasn't, um, a big question on what was going to happen. Um, I went to that doctor's appointment alone and that's the only doctor's appointment I went to alone. The rest of them, I had, my parents joined me and some were calling my parents and I was like, I'm getting surgery. 

Erika Manilla: And they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, like surgery is a big deal. And I was like, no, I'm getting surgery. Like, Period. I can't be an athlete without it. Not only just racquetball, like your career is everything. And yes, I still have so many goals in that, but it's being able to be an athlete in regular life, you know?

Erika Manilla: And so I was like, we're getting the surgery is how it is. And although I was super emotional, I still was terrified. I still was pissed off extremely. I had this like overfeeling of calmness and I think that's where religion came in. And so it was one of those like calmings of. You're going to be okay.

Erika Manilla: And I remember doing a [00:33:00] Facebook live before the day of surgery. And even like to my followers and stuff, I was like, this is going to be really hard. I have no idea what to expect, but I'm going to get through it. 

Erika Manilla: And so I always had that mentality of this is really hard, but I've done a lot of hard things in my life.

Erika Manilla: And although this is going to be the hardest, I know I'm going to be okay. 

Erika Manilla: And so that was kind of the steps to surgery. And my parents were like, okay, well, we want to come to the next meeting with the surgeon. And that's when he explained and went through the surgery. But again, that was another hour long meeting with my surgeon.

Erika Manilla: Normally you get 20 minutes, like just absolutely crazy. A surgeon, I love him to death. And so, but yeah, that was the decision for surgery. It was hard, but at the same time, it was a very safe decision. Simple decision, if that makes sense.

Soleil: Yeah, yeah, it sounded like up being a simple decision because you knew what needed to be done for you to be happy at the end of the day.

Erika Manilla: Yeah. A thousand percent. And I mean, [00:34:00] granted, don't get me wrong in saying that I was not upset. I mean, you go through, I feel like you go through like sad, scared, and then you go through pissed off and then you go through like miserable, and then you go through depression and then you start coming out of it.

Erika Manilla: So, I mean, it was, I think. During the surgery, it was almost like you just have a mountain to climb, you know? So like, before surgery, I was sad, I was mad. But I knew I had to get to the surgical date. And so it was like, okay, I started training. Um, I had to train my left leg. If I was going to be on crutches and have no use for my right one, I need to make sure my upper body strength was going to be able to hold me on crutches.

Erika Manilla: I need to make sure I could do a single leg squat to get down and up from the couch and go to the bathroom and all those things. And my surgeon said, I need you in the best shape possible coming into surgery, cause that's going to help you the most. So I started swimming every other day. Um, that's the only thing I could do.

Erika Manilla: I put a buoy in between my legs. And just swim. And so my nutrition got on point. I stopped drinking. [00:35:00] I mean, everything leading up for the three weeks before surgery.

Soleil: And what was that like, having to quit so much of what you normally do and like how you normally function to prepare for the surgery?

Erika Manilla: It was hard because I literally just moved into an apartment in downtown Denver. So,

Soleil: All you want to do is have fun!

Erika Manilla: oh my gosh, I moved in with my best friend and we're downtown, we're having a good time. And then it took like, If I wanted to go out to a bar with friends, I couldn't walk up a hill to get to that bar. Like, we have like a bridge, and just think about like a small bridge, I couldn't go up that incline without pain.

Erika Manilla: Um, so, it was so extremely frustrating, like, to not be able to play, not be able to coach, like, my athletes were incredible. I literally would put a stool on the court, and I would sit my butt down on the stool, and I would coach. Like, but I lost everything. I just felt extremely lost, extremely [00:36:00] disappointed and frustrated.

Erika Manilla: But again, it was just like, I have to get to this time. So I feel like working out was the one thing I could control and like my nutrition was the one thing I can control. And I just clinged onto those things. So everything else I felt really lost in, but the hard work through like, again, just taking care of my body, that was the one thing I could control.

Erika Manilla: And that's where I found my sanity. 

Soleil: And Did this, these feelings continue into the first few weeks or months after your surgery?

Soleil: 1000% 

Erika Manilla: Um, after surgery, it was really hard. I couldn't sit down on my by myself like my dad had to help me onto the couch. So I went back home for a couple weeks just to take my medication and I mean to go to bed. You had to wrap your feet so that your feet couldn't fall apart. So I literally was. Felt like a mummy.

Erika Manilla: Um,

Soleil: Mommy style, oh my 

Erika Manilla: oh my gosh, it was awful. And I had to [00:37:00] be in this move machine for six to eight hours a day. So you're on your back with your leg propped up in this machine that moves your leg back and forth six to eight hours a day. That is a full working day that I am in this damn move machine. Um, and it's just like, I felt helpless.

Erika Manilla: Like, I felt like I couldn't do anything, but I am extremely lucky to have incredible parents. Um, my mom and dad truly just stepped up and were there for me the whole step of the way. My nephew came out to visit me, and it was the perfect nephew to do this because he is introverted. And he could sit next to me on the couch.

Erika Manilla: We did not have to say a word, but I wasn't alone. And so that's all I needed. I didn't need somebody to talk to me all the time. I just needed somebody to be there with me. And that was my nephew, which was incredible. So my family truly stepped up. Um, my best friend would come and visit and bring me skinny pop popcorn.

Erika Manilla: Anybody wants to do anything for me, please send me skinny pop. Um, favorite thing in the world,

Soleil: Skinny [00:38:00] Pop endorsement? Love that.

Erika Manilla: a big point of kind of like worthlessness. Um, I just Couldn't do anything. And then again, it just felt like a mountain to climb. So I was like, okay, just get past like the first couple of weeks of surgery.

Erika Manilla: You know what I mean? And so then I started having fun with it. And like, I did feel like my head was on the right place. Um, going to PT was a ton of fun. It was like my one outing a day. So I was always super excited to go to PT. Um, got my stitches out. Everything was going really great for like probably the first, like, three weeks, I would say, like, it was really hard.

Erika Manilla: I was really sad, but I knew I could do it, you know, and then around like week, like four, five, that's when kind of, I would say like the depression kind of started coming in. Um, and so I couldn't drive until week five. And so, but I just was like, I couldn't do anything. I didn't have any energy to do anything.

Erika Manilla: When [00:39:00] you're in pain, you also don't have energy to do anything. So it's like constantly pain. Constantly fatigued. I had the brain fog, like no one's business. My body wouldn't function the way I wanted it to. So it was just like super upsetting. And I'm an extrovert, so everyone can kind of tell when I'm not great because I get quiet.

Erika Manilla: So I remember going into PT and my physical therapist, Truly was one of the guys that saved me as long as my trainer. Um, I'll get to that, but physical therapy, he, I came in one day and he was like, I gave you two weeks. And he was like, I can't heal you with how you are mentally. And he was like, so I don't know what you want to do.

Erika Manilla: He goes, if you need, if you want me to talk to you, if you need to go talk to sports psych therapist, whatever it is, he goes, you need to figure out your next steps because if not, you will not heal. 

Erika Manilla: And he sat with me for the whole hour and talked. And I remember going home to my dad after that session and just started crying.

Erika Manilla: And I was like, I don't know what's wrong. Like I've never been like this. I've never been [00:40:00] somebody to get depressed and to kind of like have this feeling inside of me of just. Not wanting to do anything. And he was like, yeah, you're on top of a mountain and you fell pretty damn far. And he said, you need to do something outside of your bubble.

Erika Manilla: He's like, you're still in your bubble of your sport. And he goes, you need to get outside of that. And I feel like that's a hard thing that a lot of people struggle with is what's your identity outside of your career. And at that point, I didn't know what my identity was. And so I started an art class, fun enough, with my stay at home moms, my retired people, and I had a blast painting every week.

Erika Manilla: Like, I never got informal training of how to do art before. So, like, that was my new thing. And then my roommate and I started going out and, like, trying to meet friends and, um It was so cool because now I have a full friend group that doesn't know me for racquetball at all.

Erika Manilla: Like, so all these people found me for who I was. And I remember the first time I went to a volley, like we play volleyball leagues, right? Granted I couldn't play. So I brought my little like blanket and [00:41:00] sat in the corner and yay team, you know, great cheerleader. Um, and I remember I sat there and I called my trainer and I was like, I was fun to be around.

Erika Manilla: Like people enjoyed. Being around me and I enjoyed talking to other people and like nothing was about racquetball, you know, and it was such a crazy aha moment of I can be somebody outside of racquetball. And

Soleil: Yeah, you brought your journal with you,

Erika Manilla: yeah, yeah.

Soleil: a few things you had written in your journal and kind of how you feel about them now, looking back on what you had written.

Erika Manilla: So I started six days post operation. Um, I didn't start working out until seven days. So this was still before I could do anything else. I was that crazy person that did a workout seven days after surgery. Um, but like Six days off, I started with saying today sucked. No way to sugarcoat it. I'm tired. My body hurts.

Erika Manilla: I'm not functioning the way I've trained [00:42:00] to. Losing definition in my right quad. Let the atrophy begin. Um, I said I'm fine truthfully. I know I will heal. I know I will come back. Just sucks being in pain and not having any way to control that than taking a pill. So that was kind of the beginning of it. Um, come down a little farther.

Erika Manilla: And I said, the hard thing about pain is you feel like you're wasting time. You don't have the energy to do anything, but exhausted easily. You let your inner dialogue still says lazy and weak two words. I have prided myself to never be yet. Two of my largest fears. I feel like I let down my brother and our company and we'll stop there.

Erika Manilla: Keep going. And I said, my head is on straight. I'll get through the recovery. I trust God today, just sucked ready for tomorrow to come. 

Erika Manilla: So

Soleil: And what do you, how do you feel about that now, now that you look back on something like that?

Erika Manilla: gosh, what a good question. Um, It's tough because it's so true. Like, I think I was really good at realizing what spot I was in. Like, um, [00:43:00] healing wise, it was really hard because I was in so much pain and I had no energy to do anything, you know? Um, It just, there's no way around it. It sucks. Like it sucks to be in pain.

Erika Manilla: It sucks to have surgery. It's awful to experience that. And then at the very end, it's like, but I know I'll get through it, you know? So it's like, I feel like I had the negatives. The hardest part was the feeling of letting down my brother. I mean, we have a company together, a company that makes both of us are full incomes and to not have the energy to work.

Erika Manilla: And I feel like I was just relying on him. I mean, I couldn't. Coach online. I was taking painkillers at that time, pain pillows at that time too. So it's not like I could even do anything for business because where my mind was at, and it's not like a corporate job where you can just pass the work on to somebody else.

Erika Manilla: All the work goes on to my brother at that point. And so I remember talking to my brother probably like a couple of days after this. And he was like, Erika, it's [00:44:00] fine. Like you're my sister. Of course, I'll cover you, you know? So it probably took a month, honestly, that the work was really on him. So it's.

Erika Manilla: Hard because  

Erika Manilla: I wish something I would have learned before this is other people are willing to step up in order to help you. We really struggle sometimes asking for help, but it doesn't mean that other people aren't willing to help.

Erika Manilla: And that's something I still struggle with. But like, in fact, I'm proud of myself for sticking to like being hurt, but also knowing I was okay.

Erika Manilla: Like again, recovery, I was never worried about my brother was really hard. And that's what I wish I would have understood was that people are willing to help me.

Soleil: Yeah, I really love that. I talk about this literally every podcast, just because it comes up in every podcast. But community is just so important. Having people there for you is so important. you're so right. Just, there's people who are willing to step up [00:45:00] for you. Even when you feel like they may not. Even when

Soleil: the voice in your head is saying, I don't want to bother people. I don't want to get in people's way. All you have to do is ask first. Right.

Erika Manilla: You do. It's so crazy. 

Erika Manilla: We're willing to put an arm out for everybody else, but why aren't we willing to accept other people's arms that they have given us?

Soleil: Yeah. Yeah. exactly. that's, that's beautiful. Erika, thank you for sharing that with me. And not only it a mental effect on you after your surgery, but as an athlete, what did you learn about your body during that experience?

Erika Manilla: Phenomenal question. One, our bodies are incredible. Um, so post surgery, your whole entire goal is to just get strong because you have an instable Joint, right? Well, probably more stable now because I had surgery on it, but you have an instable joint. You just have to get strong So I have never gone through one [00:46:00] a true offseason in racquetball ever where I just had to train and I only trained straight like I Tell my trainer I was like, when are we done doing these bro workouts?

Erika Manilla: Like that's all I started doing is bro workouts And with the catch in my upper body

Soleil: I'm not a gym bro, okay, what's going on?

Erika Manilla: Sorry guys, like you can throw some cardio in, you know,

Soleil: Yeah, go for a little run. Everything will be okay.

Erika Manilla: so I started getting like super bulky, um, which was crazy. And at that time, like I was like, just again, just getting strong lifting super heavyweights. Like it was a lot of fun lifting super heavy, but I was kind of like freaking out with how my body was turning into, because it started showing, um, And like as females, that's so crazy, you know, that we get stronger than you get self conscious, like so, so crazy.

Erika Manilla: And I know, and my [00:47:00] trainer had said, he goes, Hey, just enjoy this timeframe that you're in because you are never going to have your body looking like this again, where you're not able to do any cardio and you're just getting strong. He was like, so enjoy your, like this body road that you're on. And so I started lifting, getting stronger, getting stronger, really confident in my body's ability to kind of take care of myself and to hold myself together.

Erika Manilla: And then recently, it's so crazy, this happened yesterday, which is wild, I'm back playing racquetball again, like, so we're about eight, uh, no, we're seven and a half months post op now. And I have not stopped on a scale. I do not like scales, I think they're awful, like, look in the mirror, don't look up the number on the scale.

Erika Manilla: I'm sorry, does it really matter? I mean, if you can mentally handle the scale, you do you. I can't. And so I stepped on the scale the other day. I'm 167 pounds. That is something that I had never ever considered healthy for my [00:48:00] body. So before surgery, I was sitting around like 148. Um, 155 probably is normal range for myself, I would say.

Erika Manilla: So to gain 15 pounds post surgery, 

Erika Manilla: I remember looking at the number and I was like, This is crazy because I have never felt so confident in my body and it's wild,

Erika Manilla: you know, where you have this, like this thing telling you, Oh, you're overweight. Oh, it's not like, you're not healthy with how you are. But if I'd never stepped on that scale and I just simply looked the way I looked in the mirror, this way.

Erika Manilla: I have felt stronger than ever. I am proud of knowing that I put in the work in order to train and gain the muscles that I have. Muscle is heavy one, you know, but like I feel comfortable in my own skin. So it's so crazy that a scale was able to make me feel like, Oh my gosh, it's awful. But to be, but at the same time have the best body confidence [00:49:00] I've had probably since I was in high school.

Erika Manilla: So

Soleil: Yeah. Yeah. I, during the Olympics, you know, it made me so happy to see so many my women friends, you know, who came out and said like, wow, it's incredible to see that athletes come in all different shapes, sizes. 

Soleil: But being an athlete is about how you look and more about how you feel. 

Soleil: it's so incredible to see all these women in the Olympics who could show us, all women, you know, that no matter how you may look, you're fucking Olympian, you know, and you're a fucking like gold medal athlete,

Soleil: you know, like, like, screw that, you know, and yet I feel like there's, there's this voice inside your head, and that's when like body dysmorphia comes in. Like, maybe I don't look the way that I'm supposed to be looking.

Erika Manilla: [00:50:00] And I'm sorry, ladies, but like we have periods at the end of the day, like our weight will fluctuate. We will get bloated. It is part of how our body is made. You know what I mean? But it's so even full time athlete. I work out. Probably every single day for multiple hours, you know what I mean? And watch what I eat all the time, but my body still bloats.

Erika Manilla: My body still does fluctuate in that way. And so it's so true. Like we are made for function. Like we need to be happy and healthy in our bodies. And if you feel confident and if you have good energy and you feel like you're like, I feel like that's the big thing. Like if you have energy and you feel good, why are we caring about a number on the scale?

Erika Manilla: It's crazy.

Soleil: Yeah, 100%. It seems like you learned so much from this experience, and even though it felt like a major setback, did you do feel like it was, at the end of the day, maybe a [00:51:00] positive experience?

Erika Manilla: It was a huge positive, um, which is crazy. I have never truthfully felt happier, which is unreal. Um, I think spending so much time alone and one having to step out, like, as my dad said, of this bubble that I surrounded myself with, it's so crazy to have an identity outside of sport. So now I'm to the point of how do I Balance that because I don't want to lose this person that I've now recently met again, or maybe never have known, but I still want to keep this professional athlete side of me too.

Erika Manilla: And it's so crazy. Like now I have this, like, I've gotten through the surgery now and now I have this like new mountain of what it looks like coming back to my career because I don't want to go back to the person that I was, you know, um, especially in sport. We have this crazy tendency of the negative self talk that happens when you're competing, you make a mistake and then you start tearing, tearing down yourself.[00:52:00] 

Erika Manilla: And that is something I do not want to go towards. You know what I mean? I don't want to go back to that instead on the other side of who I am right now. It's. I have confidence in who I am. I know that I train and I put in the work. So why would I not trust that? Even if I make a mistake, we all make mistakes all the time, you know?

Erika Manilla: So instead of tearing yourself down at every chance you get, why not say, well, I made a mistake. That sucks. Let's trust ourselves to get the next point or whatever that is. Um, friends, I want to continue to make time for friends. I was really good at being a robot for a very long time. I was very good at making sure I put in more hours than my competitors did.

Erika Manilla: I'm taking care of my body, doing the recovery thing. Like I was very good at being robotic. Cause that's what social media tells us. We're supposed to do, but. Mamba style, you know, of like day in day out, David Goggins grind, like good for you guys. I would rather be happy, be [00:53:00] successful and figure out a healthy balance for that.

Erika Manilla: But also takes care of me because I believe you can do both. Do I know how? Not at all, but I do believe that you can do both, that you can have happiness, balance friends. And you can be successful. Number one. Um, yeah. So that's like the new trend figure. So I'm thankful for surgery, but it's now it's like, okay, now I have this whole other side of me that I need to figure out how to do the next step and be successful while taking care of myself.

Soleil: Yeah, it's just like a new season of your life, right?

Erika Manilla: It's crazy

Soleil: Yeah, incredible. And how are you planning on continuing to balance your personal life and your racquetball life now that you're getting back on the court?

Erika Manilla: being smart while training. It's, it's so hard to [00:54:00] watch social media and again, I've written social media. Cause that's what we all ingest all the time. Right. Um, so it's so hard to look at social media and look at my competitors, always training or look up successful athletes or successful business people.

Erika Manilla: And they're like, got to work every single day. Grind, grind, grind, grind. Unfortunately, I had surgery, so end of the day, a lot of it was genetic, some of it was bad luck, yes, but I had surgery, I can't just discredit that, you know, and so doing the daily grind and working the ungodly hours on the court, you know, I was on the court six hours a day, I was in the gym.

Erika Manilla: An unreal amount, like not healthy for what I should have been doing. I did the grind, granted it got me to where I was, but I need to be smarter about my training schedule. Um, 

Erika Manilla: I'm super lucky to work with professional, um, football and baseball players. And so I asked them like, Hey, you guys probably have the most money going into your sports for research and stuff like that.

Erika Manilla: How do you guys train? 

Erika Manilla: They're in the gym twice a week on the field [00:55:00] three times a week. That's it. The rest of all of it is recovery based and mobility and taking care of your body. So that's kind of what I've started to embody is like, okay, three times on the court. And right now I'm three times in the gym with PT.

Erika Manilla: So that's where I've tried to find my balance instead of being on the court six days a week with two, four hour days, three, two days being in the gym, four times a week. Like, That was my overtraining schedule. And now it's trying to dial that down, which also is really hard mentally on me because I've never done that.

Erika Manilla: And again, I don't know if it's going to be successful. I think it will. I'm playing better racquetball than I probably ever have in my life. Part of that's probably mentally part of that's probably cause I've built the strength, but I never had the time to build before I'm stronger than I was before surgery, but now it's how do I balance that?

Erika Manilla: And then. It's hard sometimes being an athlete or even just successful in your career. Cause you're exhausted at the end of the day, you know, it's hard to put your [00:56:00] body through so many strenuous things and then to go out with friends at the end of the day, but that is something that I've chose to prioritize.

Erika Manilla: So no matter how tired I am, I have incredible friends who support me, not drinking at night time if I don't want to drink, or if I want to have a drink, they're like, let's go, let's go have a beer, you know, but not being so hard and rigid on myself and. My art class, like I love that art class. I've never had that side of me for a long time, especially when I'm still in sport.

Erika Manilla: So instead of spending the whole three hours in class, now I'm in the class for two hours. But that has been a decision where I'm like, I'm going to keep that in my life. So setting my priorities and trying to stick to them for a long winded answer.

Soleil: No, and that's perfect. I, genuinely think that a lot of people Don't know what the next steps are after they have a setback, you know, they have a major setback and then they don't know where to go from there and some people rely on faith. Some people rely on their family, a [00:57:00] mix of both. Maybe some people rely on some other outside sources, but they still don't really know where to go without.

Soleil: A plan and those, those thoughts in your head, like I can do this, you know, and like, what am I going to do moving forward? Who am I going to talk to to make sure that I continue with this and, and moving forward in a direction that empowers me, that gives me energy. And so. I love the long winded answer because I think it's what most people think in their head.

Soleil: It's how most people would explain their comeback story right after a large setback.

Erika Manilla: Yeah.

Soleil: Speaking to these people who have had a setback, what is one piece of advice that you would give to them after your experience?

Erika Manilla: Good question. 

Erika Manilla: Don't let anybody tell you what you're able to do after your setback. And so don't let social media say you're never going to be able to do that again. Or don't let social media say or doctors or whoever, right? That you can't [00:58:00] do something that you were able to do before surgery, or you won't be able to reach a certain height.

Erika Manilla: Even though it's going to be really hard to get to, if you choose to do it, you can do it. I got told that I wouldn't be able to get mobility back in my hip for about another year after being fully recovered. I saw my surgeon and he was like, Wow, you have mobility back in your hip, you know, but I did yoga every single night for three months, you know, um, but I also think 

Erika Manilla: be kind to yourself, like, especially after a setback, be kind, look back and recognize how far you've come and then have grace with yourself moving forward because you have had.

Erika Manilla: Something really hard, but you got through it. So imagine what you can get through next. 

Erika Manilla: You know, if you have a goal, you already got through something so hard. So guess what? You can do something one even harder, or the next things really [00:59:00] can't be that hard because you just went through something really awful.

Erika Manilla: So trust yourself, give yourself grace and don't take no for an answer.

Soleil: Beautiful. Well, thank you so much, Erika, for talking about your story and joining me today. I love you so much. I just I'm so grateful to have somebody like you to look up to. And I really hope people who listened to this episode can gain a lot of information about how they can move forward in their lives in healthy ways. Have more, have more love for themselves when, when they experience things like this. Have more grace for themselves when they experience things like this. Because you've just done it so beautifully and I think other people can do it too. So thank you for joining me.

Erika Manilla: You're the absolute best. Love you.

Soleil: I love you too. Bye.